I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
