You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
