Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
