One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
