Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
