do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
