Pants 0. Shit 1.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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