margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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