btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
