she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
even my farts smell like vagina
meet me or not, i'm out of control
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
worst night to have a conscience
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
