she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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