There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize