3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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