The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
