Cold hands, warm shart.
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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