I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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