I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
