I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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