She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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