I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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