he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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