Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
