i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
