Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
