We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
