i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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