One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
