Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need to stop coming to work sober
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
