He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
