i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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