the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
