The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Dick is dick. Iβm not turning it down because heβs younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and Iβm a woman with needs
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