would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
