Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
