How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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