I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
