dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize