I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize