mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
