ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
