So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i think i have herpe
just one?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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