I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
