dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
