Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
