u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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