so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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