Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I touched a dick in church today
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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