The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
