Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
