Your face is a jimmy john
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
