she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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