Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is my gift to your gina
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
