Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
