where am i from again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
