I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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