WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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