sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
