Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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