My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
