I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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