All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
