So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently you make a good broom.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
