break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize