All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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