Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
