I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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