No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize