sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
