i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
